Remembering

The last 2 weeks in September are always a time of remembering, a time of reflecting, a time full of memories.  The last two weeks of September have brought the two most difficult, gutt-wrenching, heart-breaking days of my life.  One of the days, September 18th, things went how I had dreamed and prayed.  On September 30th things went drastically opposite of every prayer and every hope that I had.  In both days, God was present; He was faithful, even though on one of the days I felt like He had let me down.

Three years ago on this very day, this is what was going on:

Actually, these are taken the day after her open heart surgery.  The day of, there were many more tubes and wires, and well, this momma was the one who fainted in the pediatric ICU.

I can remember the month before her cardiologist telling me that we could no longer wait on surgery.  Dr. Kort had been gracious with me...I was the one who kept asking for us to wait just a little longer and see if the hole would close up on its own.  It didn't and fiinally, still with patience but firmness, he told me she was no longer growing because her heart had to work too hard to pump blood throughout her body.  Long-term damage was going to be done if we didn't have the surgery.

From every step of the way, and there are too many details to share, I felt God holding my hand and being so gentle with me.  Every nurse, every doctor, every office attendant, the surgeon was so kind in their answers.  When I called to actually schedule the surgery one of the dates offered was Sept. 30th.  There was no way my heart could take that.  That was the worse day of my life, and I didn't want it to be a repeat.  So it was settled, on Sept. 18th I would hand my 10 mos. old baby girl over to a surgeon and pray like crazy.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I have never experienced the peace of Christ more than on that day. 

"Don't worry about anything; insteady, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  Phil. 4:6-7

I had grown up hearing that verse all my life.  I had it memorized.  But to experience it is a completely different thing.  I will never forget it.  I literally felt like God was carrying me in His hands.

This is my girl today:

You have no idea how much joy can be packed into this petite little body! 

I was reading Psalm 105 and 106 today.  The psalmist was recounting  Israel's history with the Lord...their journey with Him...the ups and the downs.  It was a time to remember.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His faithful love endures forever." Ps. 106:1

Today is a day I will always remember, a day I will always give thanks.

We started a non-profit Gracious Legacy Foundation in honor of Reese and in memory of my mom.  Gift bags are given to children going through open heart surgery or adults going through cancer treatment.  Please join us in giving to others and donate at www.graciouslegacy.org.



Visiting Gampa- Part II

Sunday brought Ashlyn's birthday.  We, of course, went to church that morning which was one of the sweetest times of the trip for me.  We picked up MomMom and then headed to the service.  During the summer they combine the traditional and contemporary services.  Besides being able to worship with 4 generations of my family I was surrounded by more elderly people than I have worshipped with in a long time, if not ever.  All the songs ended up being worship songs I enjoy but are contemporary and I'm guessing that none of the precious older generations knew.  But they stood and worshipped their hearts out.  The pastor spoke God's truth passionately and in a very gripping way.  I left sensing the Lord's presence and a little more in love with Him.

We swam that afternoon and then MomMom, Aunt Nancy, and Uncle Hank came over to help celebrate the sweetest, most amazing 9 year old girl I know!  We cooked out, had cake, opened presents, and celebrated our Ashlyn Jean.  What a blessing she is!



Visiting Gampa- Part I

These girls love their Gampa!  And it's been a tradition since Ashlyn was less than a year old for my dad to take his granddaughters to IHOP.  Every time they are together, they all venture for a huge breakfast just the 4 of them.

We arrived on Friday afternoon, so guess where they were headed Saturday morning?

Laney didn't care what we did in Pennsylvania as long as Gampa and swimming were involved.

This is one of my favorite pics of our time together.  I love the pure joy on Reesie's face walking back from the pool with her Gampa.

Another special part of our trip was getting to spend time with MomMom, my 93 year-old grandmother.  She truly is an amazingly strong woman, a woman of great faith in the Lord, and a woman with great love for her family.

The last time I saw MomMom I was pregnant with Reese. It was a fun time of Reesie getting to meet her in person for the first time.  Of course, all 3 girls love their MomMom.  We got to go over to my Aunt Nancy, Uncle Hank, and MomMom's house Saturday night for dinner.  Here is our 4 generation picture from the night:

 I am so thankful for the family the Lord has blessed me with.  We are far from perfect, and definitely have our quirks, but we love one another dearly, forgive one another when it's needed, and truly enjoy spending time together.



I Never Knew I Could Love...

...someone so much until a precious 7lb. 7oz. baby girl came into my life 9 years ago.  That end of July night it literally felt like my heart beat out of my chest so full of love, and it has never been the same since.

I need to scan in some baby pics of this sweet girl but here she is at her 4th birthday.  Isn't she the cutest?

Fall of 2007

I love this picture.  It captivates so much of who our Ashlyn is: joyful, sweet, kind, easy to laugh.

My Precious Ashlyn Jean,  You are no longer a little girl, and yet I am so proud of the young lady you are becoming.  You are the daughter every parent dreams of...loving, kind, considerate, smart, beautiful in every way inside and out.  Your heart for the Lord and for your family make me love Jesus even more.  My heart never knew I could love so much until you came along.  You have brought us such joy, and we are blessed beyond measure to be given the gift of you for our family.  I love you, sweet girl.  Happy 9th birthday!

Love forever and always and even more than that, Momma 



I miss her

Maybe it's because I've been having to find new doctors in this area, and you always have to give medical histories.  Maybe it's because we've had close friends up to visit who I feel comfortable enough to be open and vulnerable with.  Maybe it's because last week Ashlyn came into my room in tears after singing on the karaoke machine with her friends because a song that played was about a girl missing her grandfather who had passed away and she said it made her think of her Nana.  Maybe it's because we are going to visit my dad soon and things don't seem quite right going to visit him without her being there.  Maybe it's because the girls pulled out our wedding video a couple of weeks ago and wanted to watch it which of course included many pictures of her. 

Or maybe it's just because I miss the normal, everyday things.  I miss talking to her on the phone...simply hearing her voice would put my heart at ease.  She always had the right words, even when they were hard to hear.  And more often than not, it was just her sitting by my side without any words at all.  I miss hearing her laugh.  I miss my girls not getting to spend time with her...going back-to-school shopping or making milkshakes or doing some craft.  I truly miss them not just getting to know her.  I miss getting to come home and the normal pampering that any 34 yr old daughter would still receive simply for being one's daughter.  I miss the feel of holding her hand.  I miss calling and asking a question about how to cook something.  I miss her burning rolls in the oven and then laughing that she did it again!  I miss her talking loudly to the TV over some sporting event and then falling asleep in "her" chair cheering on the San Antonio Spurs or the Horned Frogs football team.

I miss my mom.  I miss being known and loved so very well.  I miss the deep, deep friendship that we had.  There have been more tears lately as I miss all the she was in my life, but those tears also have hope mingled in their midst.  I do not grieve like one "with no hope.  For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died...Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.  Then will will be with the Lord forever."  I Thes. 4:13-14, 17   These years apart will seem like a blink of an eye.  And once again, I'll hear that great laugh, feel that hand in mine, and feel even more at home than ever before because we both truly will be Home, with the Savior himself.  I can't imagine anything sweeter.

Hotel de Mills

We have been looking forward to July for several months now.  Our house has been full of dear friends and it has made our hearts so full!  First up, the beloved Aunt Jen.  She came up for July 4th weekend so got to see the girls in their bike parade and of course celebrate our Independence Day in style with fireworks, homemade ice cream, and a little R&R.  It was fantabulous!

Jen....we love you so!

The following weekend we were looking forward to our wonderful friends, the Fustons, coming in but poor Tenley got a stomach bug and we are now hoping for a rain check this fall.  Our disappointment was short-lived because the following weekend our close friends, the Stehrs headed up to visit!

These girls are so much fun together...honestly, we rarely saw them when we were at the house because they just went from one room to the next playing together.  It is such a sweet friendship they share!  The above pic is at Fayetteville's Farmers Market.

We squeezed in swimming and the drive-in movie...lots of conversations (one bw Audrey and I that still makes us laugh) and lots of laughter.  This family is one that makes you just want to love the Lord and love those around you better.  We are so blessed to call you friends!

And you may think that's it but it isn't.  Our good friends, and Ashlyn's best friend, the Phillips family got to come up this weekend.  The kids were up super late, and it's been awhile since I've been up until 1 (please no old lady comments), but we enjoyed every minute of it.

I so miss having Avery around on a regular basis for our Ashlyn.  They share a friendship that will stand the test of time...but wish we could zip over to their house in under 2 minutes like we used to.

We decided to do the Arkansas thing and be "outdoorsie."  It was beautiful, but boy was it hot.  You can't tell how profusely we were sweating in this pic.  Yet, hot or cold, rain or shine, we love this family, and we're so glad they came!



It's no secret...

I love summer!  I mean, I really loooove summer!  Always have.  Always will. 

Why, you ask?

1.  As a mom, I love having more time with my girls!

2.  I'll take 100 degree heat over 40 degree cold any day! (and yes, 40 is cold)

3.  I love tanned faces.  Here are some of my favorites:

4.  Can I get an "amen, hallelujah!" to not having to get up and get going by 7:30 in the morning?

5. I love that it's sunny almost all of the time.

6.  I adore that it stays light later into the night.

7.  Extra play time with extra fun friends does my heart good.  Here's one night that made my heart full:

8.  I truly enjoy being at the pool...kinda wish we could do it all year 'round!

9.  Walks at 8:30pm

10.  Fresh corn on the cob...even better, eating fresh corn on the cob outside for dinner.

And there you have it, my top 10 reasons for the night.  (Okay, and an extra one just for fun...wearing flip flops every. single. day.)