The last 2 weeks in September are always a time of remembering, a time of reflecting, a time full of memories. The last two weeks of September have brought the two most difficult, gutt-wrenching, heart-breaking days of my life. One of the days, September 18th, things went how I had dreamed and prayed. On September 30th things went drastically opposite of every prayer and every hope that I had. In both days, God was present; He was faithful, even though on one of the days I felt like He had let me down.
Three years ago on this very day, this is what was going on:
Actually, these are taken the day after her open heart surgery. The day of, there were many more tubes and wires, and well, this momma was the one who fainted in the pediatric ICU.
I can remember the month before her cardiologist telling me that we could no longer wait on surgery. Dr. Kort had been gracious with me...I was the one who kept asking for us to wait just a little longer and see if the hole would close up on its own. It didn't and fiinally, still with patience but firmness, he told me she was no longer growing because her heart had to work too hard to pump blood throughout her body. Long-term damage was going to be done if we didn't have the surgery.
From every step of the way, and there are too many details to share, I felt God holding my hand and being so gentle with me. Every nurse, every doctor, every office attendant, the surgeon was so kind in their answers. When I called to actually schedule the surgery one of the dates offered was Sept. 30th. There was no way my heart could take that. That was the worse day of my life, and I didn't want it to be a repeat. So it was settled, on Sept. 18th I would hand my 10 mos. old baby girl over to a surgeon and pray like crazy.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I have never experienced the peace of Christ more than on that day.
"Don't worry about anything; insteady, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7
I had grown up hearing that verse all my life. I had it memorized. But to experience it is a completely different thing. I will never forget it. I literally felt like God was carrying me in His hands.
This is my girl today:
You have no idea how much joy can be packed into this petite little body!
I was reading Psalm 105 and 106 today. The psalmist was recounting Israel's history with the Lord...their journey with Him...the ups and the downs. It was a time to remember.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His faithful love endures forever." Ps. 106:1
Today is a day I will always remember, a day I will always give thanks.
We started a non-profit Gracious Legacy Foundation in honor of Reese and in memory of my mom. Gift bags are given to children going through open heart surgery or adults going through cancer treatment. Please join us in giving to others and donate at www.graciouslegacy.org.
