The spirit echos still

Today, seven years ago, the greatest woman I know went Home to be with Jesus. It's a day I won't ever forget. My mom is a woman I will never ever forget.

On Sunday we had a student in our youth group lose his own mom to non-Hodgkins lymphoma, just like my mom. I had been following their blog for a few weeks because I wanted to best know how to pray for their family, pray for his mom, pray for him. Last week I read a post that took me back directly to the last couple of weeks with my own precious mom. I quickly hid myself in a bathroom stall and cried. It's so amazing how grief can hit.

About three weeks ago I read a verse in Hebrews 11 that captivated my heart and made me think about my mom. It's verse 4 and says, "Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith." There are so many things my mom was an example in. She was one of the most kind, humble and giving souls you'd come across. She was queen of hospitality and knew how to make any and everyone feel comfortable in our home. She rejoiced when we rejoiced and cried when we cried...okay, and even at most Hallmark commercials and when missionaries spoke too.

Yet, more than anything, her example of faith still speaks to me. She loved Jesus. She loved Him with a child-like faith. She loved Him when everything was going well and she continued to love and trust Him when she was so sick with the cancer that absolutely ravaged her body. She didn't want to leave us here but she wasn't scared to die. She knew her Lord and she knew He would be there to take her Home. Her legacy of love...for Christ, for my dad, for Andy and I, and for those around her lives on and it always will. I am a better person because of her.

She had a laugh that was contagious and everyone recognized without even having to that it was coming from her. She had a way of burning rolls in the oven most of the time and laughing at it still. She had a way of rearranging furniture every few weeks. She had a way of cheering loudly for her son. She had a way of loving her man. She had a way of making me feel more loved and at home than any other person on the planet ever has. She had a way...a way I long to have myself.

"Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised! Reward her for all she has done." Prov. 31:28-31

Momma,

You are a woman to be praised. While I miss you terribly, I am so glad you have received your Reward in Him. Thank you for still speaking to us by your example of faith. I love you!

Forever,

your Kimberly

(Friends, please also pray for the Howell family I mentioned above and for the Jacobs family too...a friend who lost their baby at 34 weeks)

God of great wonders!

This picture of sweet Reesie was taken just a few moments ago...
This was of her last year...

You see, on this day last year at this time of day, I was lovingly surrounded by family and friends. I was watching a tv screen that told me what part of the open heart surgery my baby girl was in. I was just waiting for a kind nurse to come out and let me know that everything was going okay. I was praying for an amazing surgeon named Dr. Mendeloff.

The picture above actually isn't of her on the day of surgery. It's the day after. I don't have any of her after her surgery that day because I, in wonderful fashion of a mother who loves her child desparately, passed out when I saw her with all the million tubes coming out of her body, and had to be taken to the E.R. Nice, huh?! Thankfully, I sat down realizing it was happening and didn't hit my head on anything.

Can I tell you the one of the things I remember most about that day and the couple of days before hand? I had never felt the truth of Philippians 4:7 which tells us "you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" until this time. I wish I could explain it but I can't. But it was totally supernatural. I literally felt carried by the Lord because of the prayers people were praying on our behalf.

I mean, let's be honest, I am a (not proud) worrier. I love my kids more than life itself and thinking about something happening to one of them scares me to death. Here is my normal day to day life: when I walk down a flight of stairs carrying one of my daughters I think about what would happen if I tripped. When I drive through stoplights with the girls in my car, a lot of times I think about the horrendous possibility of an accident. God has rescued me from a lot of my fear, but there are days where these thoughts creep in. So to be completely at peace on a day where my child was being cut open, her tiny heart stopped and operated on,
and then prayerfully it starting again...well, it's nothing short of a miracle.

And that is the God we serve, a "God of great wonders!" (Ps. 77:14)

Father, today we celebrate the life of precious Reese Ellery Mills, that you have given us not just once but twice. And we celebrate that you are a God of miracles...big and small! You deserve all praise! Thank you.

Kid of His heart!

I have been overwhelmed lately for the love I have for my children. Sometimes I feel like my heart might just explode I love them so much! And there have been many times over the past few weeks where I feel like time is slipping by, not in a bad way, but in a way that reminds me that life is precious, and without Christ, it isn't permanent.

There are so many dreams and prayers I have for my girls. Greater than any heart's desire I have, is my desire to see each one of them come to accept Christ into their life and to love, walk and experience Him all the days of their lives. I desire for them to be healthy and safe. I desire for other's to come to know Christ because of the way they love Him. I desire for them to be blessed with godly husbands who put them second only to the Lord. I desire for them to be blessed with children and knowing what it is like to love one of your very own. And I desire, very much, to be there for all of it.

I feel like God has been teaching me so much lately, drawing me close to Himself, and reminding me that He loves me as my Daddy too. And He desires, perfectly desires, what is best for my life. His Word has brought so much fulfillment to my soul lately. I can hear Him speaking to me, as a Father to a daughter.

Psalm 119 is the longest psalm there is. It is the very center of the Bible. And in my mind, both of those truths are not an accident. Why? Because the entire psalm is about the richness, the life, the eye-opening truth, the wisdom, the comfort, the steadfast faithfulness, and the joy that is found in God's Word. His Word!

I have gone back to Psalm 37 over and over again over the past two months. It's like I'm a teenager again reading a little note Jase wrote to me. I want to soak it in. I want to see if there is any hidden meaning. I want to remind myself of the friendship and love between us. This time it is a friendship and love between my Savior and I. I feel like change is coming. I hope it is because my heart desires it. But no matter what change or what sameness (again, not sure that's a real word) might be I will, "Put my hope in the LORD. I will travel steadily along His path" (Ps. 37:34). Because just like my heart's desire for my children, I know He too desires wonderful and eternal things for me.