I miss her

Maybe it's because I've been having to find new doctors in this area, and you always have to give medical histories.  Maybe it's because we've had close friends up to visit who I feel comfortable enough to be open and vulnerable with.  Maybe it's because last week Ashlyn came into my room in tears after singing on the karaoke machine with her friends because a song that played was about a girl missing her grandfather who had passed away and she said it made her think of her Nana.  Maybe it's because we are going to visit my dad soon and things don't seem quite right going to visit him without her being there.  Maybe it's because the girls pulled out our wedding video a couple of weeks ago and wanted to watch it which of course included many pictures of her. 

Or maybe it's just because I miss the normal, everyday things.  I miss talking to her on the phone...simply hearing her voice would put my heart at ease.  She always had the right words, even when they were hard to hear.  And more often than not, it was just her sitting by my side without any words at all.  I miss hearing her laugh.  I miss my girls not getting to spend time with her...going back-to-school shopping or making milkshakes or doing some craft.  I truly miss them not just getting to know her.  I miss getting to come home and the normal pampering that any 34 yr old daughter would still receive simply for being one's daughter.  I miss the feel of holding her hand.  I miss calling and asking a question about how to cook something.  I miss her burning rolls in the oven and then laughing that she did it again!  I miss her talking loudly to the TV over some sporting event and then falling asleep in "her" chair cheering on the San Antonio Spurs or the Horned Frogs football team.

I miss my mom.  I miss being known and loved so very well.  I miss the deep, deep friendship that we had.  There have been more tears lately as I miss all the she was in my life, but those tears also have hope mingled in their midst.  I do not grieve like one "with no hope.  For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died...Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.  Then will will be with the Lord forever."  I Thes. 4:13-14, 17   These years apart will seem like a blink of an eye.  And once again, I'll hear that great laugh, feel that hand in mine, and feel even more at home than ever before because we both truly will be Home, with the Savior himself.  I can't imagine anything sweeter.